2020 has been a tough year for many of us. Here are some of my thoughts below.
The year certainly made me realise the importance of mental health, more than I had ever known. We often ignore the talk that our heart is trying to tell us, and we prefer to join the outer forces that make us believe we are in some daily routine of fight or flight. Many times, the silent body tries to speak to us. Still, the mind that we have designed perfecting everything else makes us ignore the call, and we continue to work our body. Turning into a machine, forgetting and completely ignoring the inner force of energy that gets suppressed. We sometimes question why we feel low, why we feel run down, and why we feel disconnected. All the answers lay within us, but the superhuman in us, partly ego wants to be part of a rat race, mostly ignoring the inner voice.
The fact that I have fought my own battles and came out a successful woman has now became my enemy! I will explain.. When the world starts seeing you as a strong, hardworking, responsible human, it’s a fantastic feeling, but with that comes great pressure!
A pressure that makes you not want to fail those around you.
This happens naturally. I had lost a lot, more than one can imagine. My childhood wasn’t great growing up. I was robbed of many things besides my decision-making, dreams, house, financial stability, marriage, terrible heartbreak, and lost people I believed I could trust. As I raised my four kids as a single mum over the years, I also raised myself from that nobody to somebody.
This made me into a person where I only trust myself, my ability, and my strength.
As I grew, so did my business, and that was one of the things that made me feel stronger, and with that, my followers and followings also grew! My fans have shared their love with me and my story has been immensely appreciated, but at the same time, unknowingly, I lost touch with my body. The happiness of having everything under control empowered me with some form of sense in control of everything that I had lost, but at the same time, I lost the core strength of connection that I had with my healthy body. I lost my mental peace, and I didn’t realise it.
In May 2020, I felt something wasn’t right. I’m sure the body had tried to speak to me earlier than me actually admitting the fact that I was struggling. I felt frustrated and blamed it all on not having enough time. The typical human solution to most of our problems. My partner, my kids, and my close friends kept reminding me that I needed to slow down, but I didn’t want to let go of the steering wheel - it was the trust issue in me that didn’t allow me to slow down.
I’m sure many of you will relate to my story, and it may help those that may be walking a similar journey.
Don’t let the pressure of responsibility weigh you down and wear you out.
Now, if you are like me, who can’t ask for help but always ready to lend a helping hand, then I’m afraid to say, there is trouble around the corner for you! The imbalance will drain so much energy out of you, and you can be left with a helpless body that will quickly give up if you don’t realise the wrong you are doing to it. The voice inside me always says, “Kajal, you will figure it out; you can do this". Self-resilience is the only way I have learnt to deal with things and is the only reaction I have known.
Recently a good friend of mine had the courage to speak to me. She was relatively straightforward and pointed out a few things that I was in denial about. She is not a therapist, but a genuine true friend who had been observing me closely behind my smiles. Her words of wisdom came with the immense energy of trust, which touched my heart, and I decided to take them on board. It took me some time, but I learnt the art of stepping back and slowly allowing me to know the art of take and give. The feeling first felt disturbing, awkward, and I felt like I was letting someone else take control of my life.
Trust me, letting go of my resilience wasn’t easy but not impossible either.
I learnt to let the mother in me relax. I learnt to stop feeling guilty about not doing anything. I also learnt that family or friends who rely on you also have a responsibility to themselves. Everyone has to learn to deal with their own sh**, and I shouldn’t be the only to shoulder everyone's problems.
Today, I’m in my fourth week of traveling, learning to do nothing, and allowing my mind to listen to my body. I have learnt that work is essential but so is my health. The best of me will manage the better of my surrounding. I’ve learnt that I'm just as important as much as I think others are. I knew that my body is not part of a deal that can be ignored in the process of my progress.
I hope my story will help someone realise that it is okay to pause, it is alright to say no, it is perfectly acceptable to ignore the voices that pressure you to be the perfect mother, friend, sister, or entrepreneur. It is wise sometimes to numb the strength of your mind’s voice and listen to the body’s silence.