At some point, I went from knowing he wouldn’t show me, love, to believing I didn’t deserve his love. I wasn’t worthy.
The question was how should I live and be when my rights to be loved as a wife were denied?
Why am I sharing snippets of my life in my blogs?
At each stage of my life, I compared myself to others around me and always felt I’m not good enough. I was made to feel I was not smart, clever, or capable! I had heard criticism every day of my life so it deeply unsettled me, it hurt like hell and mentally scarred me. I lost myself and with it went all my confidence, self-worth, and light to my dreams.
At the time when I was going through bad times and still today, in our society, it’s unheard of to say anything at all negative about our family or speak about what really happens behind closed doors. Why? Why are we taught to take it all? I was told to accept his mistress so my kids and I would have shelter and bills paid for! I'm sorry if I broke the rules and went against all odds. I did what my morals felt right. I stood up for my own dignity. It was my duty to raise my children in a mentally safeguarded environment! I was fed up with living with liars. Surely our duty is to also look after our own sanity.
Money and shelter matters, but not at a cost of hindering the future of my children. Money and shelter can always be made again but a lost and misguided child will suffer forever. If one parent loses their path, the other has to take charge, and no society or rules matter. My children are also the future of this society and I chose to free us from the shackles of what others believe or their toxic beliefs. I raised my kids away with love and tough love, affection, good communication, and gave them a strong grounding of what human beings actually require! I gave them an example of a hardworking mother, a mother who never left their sight, a mother who never gave up, a mother who stood her ground against all criticism from her very own, a mother who is their friend, and a teacher when required! I taught them to help others in need and be respectful to all, and nature. I taught them that love matters. I taught them that education is not everything if your principles and morals in life are wrong. Now I'm not saying my kids are unique or geniuses, all I'm saying is I have liberated my motherhood into the best I could without feeling the guilt of not trying.
Now not all families are bad and not all friends are your family! I learned that too!
Let me tell you, my sharing of the story is not taking a dig at anyone, especially not him! He is not worth my words or time!
For many years, I had saved my energy into raising my kids and stabilizing my health overall. My dream was to one day utilize my experiences in life through writing and reach as many people as possible, in the hope that my experience will lift one's day or help bring more power to the one who was suffering in the dark or sitting in silence with no hope!
So today with immense courage, I share just snippets of my life not to make you feel sorry for me. Believe me, I’ve done plenty of that over the years! I share to empower. I share a story that many like to tell but haven’t found their voice. I tell a story to spread awareness and empower.
I tell you all this so you can feel why it is so important to me to elevate those who need to read my words of strength to heal from their hurt, to remove false beliefs, to find hope and to live a life of joy, and to radiate love to everything and everyone. Now, this could be you, or someone you know!
It took me the longest time to build myself! To believe that I had hidden talents and gifts. To believe that anything I had to say could be of benefit to another person. That anyone would even want to hear from me. To believe that I was worthy of success or any reward.
So if you are reading my blog and feel it’s empowered you, then do give a thumbs up and feel free to read more blogs from me on my website. https://www.kajalskitchen.com/blog1