• Kajal Wellbeing

It’s 25 Years today.

I was expecting my daughter Henna when my mums beautiful soul left her body into the Devine world. I was four month pregnant, and still remember how life felt upside down through the times of her loss.

With loss, comes grief. Grief is a powerful and a very overwhelming emotion. When a loved one dies, we feel the most powerless, unfair, and plain wrong! A heavy burden that is in that moment impossible to bear. We are left with heavy heart. We don’t think of our well-being.

Grief covers all the negative emotions like sadness, anger, despair - if we separate our emotions from the reality, grief is a natural multifaceted process. I remember when my mum, and sister passed away, my first reaction was being in denial! I remember being so ANGRY, frustrated! My denial and anger then bargained my feelings (emotions) into depression! A depression that brought instability into my life for a while, until I accepted the grief process and decided to resolve my feelings into acceptance for my loss.

“Every grief is as unique as our being.”

No grief is the same, just like our existence. We are all different, we are unique in our own ways, yet we complicate our lives in comparison, waste away the beautiful moments tormenting our daily thoughts in focusing more over our imperfections - this too is a grief in the living and life.

I remember 25 years ago, I was not allowed to cry or grief after my mother because I was pregnant. The reality was, I cried behind closed doors to myself. I must have mourned for my mother’s loss over years and years! Just so she could be part of my life, but that was never to be, and the sooner I would have excepted it all, the lighter I would have felt. The heaviness of carrying grief with us, only weighs us down. It is very important to allow yourself to grieve freely and fully. Many people don’t allow themselves to truly grieve as they fear it’s undignified or a sign of moral weakness and some prefer to bottle it all up, in fear of facing the pain with loss as it is intense, so heartbreaking.

In loving, we deeply connect with another human being, and grief is the reflection of the connection that has been lost!

“To deny, and accept the loss of a loved one is equivalent to denying yourself again from feeling the love.”

When my sister passed away four years ago, we had thirteen days of mourning. I really appreciated this time of being surrounded by my loved ones. Seeing my niece and nephew, and being there for the family felt a wonder and power in the grieving process. Suddenly I was not alone, or in the feeling of a complete isolation. The daily prayers, talks, sitting together to eat, felt the warmth of being surrounded by those who cared for the person who was no longer in life with us. It felt like a blanket of security for us all. I remember feeling so much lighter after the 13 days were over.

The reason I’m sharing this post today is to share the understanding of all those who have lost their loved ones during this pandemic time. I just want you and everyone to understand that we understand life has changed in many different ways, especially for those who didn’t get to mourn, or see those who are lost, or be there for those who are going through grieving process. The best we can do is be humble and be in the understanding of emotions. I highly recommend that you take time, whenever possible to sit down and be in the moment to feel what your body is in need of. If you feel you need a friend to talk to, please share your thoughts, if your feel you need to cry, do so. Call a friend, call a family member and allow yourselves to share your thoughts, feelings and open the bottle of silence suffering. You are not alone. There is a beautiful world out here, where there is a community of those who truly care.

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