I don’t usually get angry or easily frustrated but today is one of those days when I feel sad and kind of powerless. Reason being- The C word!
I have four of my close friends fighting cancer right now as I write this note sitting by harbour of Lisbon. I’m in Lisbon with my son for a holiday, and my hearts struggling to enjoy in the moment-he has no clue that I’m struggling. He only knows happy mummy.
The struggle, and pain that one has to go through to battle with cancer is heart breaking. I take deep breaths to let my frustrations out, and pray that some miracle happens and we can all be C’less and free from fear of losing oneself or a loved one to it. One of my friend lost her husband, her mother, and her very best friend in the past seven years to cancer and now as she finally learnt how to cope with loses she was diagnosed with breast cancer. It’s relentless sometimes-hence my anger today! My friend called me this morning to say, she followed healthy eating, did yoga and meditation every morning for the past three years, followed my advice and yet it’s caught up with her. She asked me-Why, why me Kajal? I wish I had a satisfying answer to her question. I wish there was something I could tell her, that I strongly believed in some system besides giving her hope of positivity. At this point, I feel tired of being relentlessly positive, especially knowing that in my hearts of heart that there is no hope for her- the fact that this person I’m giving hope too, may die. I have a patient who is in the care of hospice and I called her this afternoon as I was walking down the ruins of Carmo Convent, ruins of gothic church in Lisbon trying to create a conversation. As we spoke about the ruins of the church after the earthquake and memories of the beautiful building- My client said “Kajal, I feel the same. Like a ruin broken down by an earthquake called cancer.” It’s not easy. It’s hard for the sufferers and for those that watch them go through the suffering. When my sister was in the hospital, I remember every single moment was tough as the phone rang, my mind would be rushing off to receiving some bad news as she was on her last lap. Every day I saw her smiling face, I used to pray so hard that the face may never fade away. I used to cry and wish for every possibilities, miracles and even think about life after death! It’s crazy, what the fear of losing your loved one does to you. In my case, I was shattered, heart broken and disappointed with life for a while. The dark side of it all, being in my profession, I have to keep smiling and spreading the positivity and love to give hope to my clients-I can’t be seen sad or in fear of illness.
If you know someone who is suffering from cancer, or recovered from it or is waiting for their diagnoses. Please be kind to show support. Call them and speak to them. Offer them your time, a moment of support in the form of a chat, coffee, juice, exchange of books, a walk or may be invite them out for a meal at yours...do something to contribute your good energy into their falling energy by keeping them strong and giving hope of positivity 🙏