The day I decided to live my life without fear and offer my gratitude to the abundance in life, I felt a sudden sense of liberation. I was experiencing the now!
For the first time ever, I put myself first and it felt like an enlightenment. I was so excited about this new spiritual journey I was about to embark upon.
But this was only possible because I was able to overcome all those disabling feelings of guilt. I had learnt to ignore "you must Do and Don't do..." and set myself on a path to discover new beginnings - and girl - was that exciting!
Let me explain...
At the age of thirty two, my marriage had come to a catastrophic end. I was robbed of my trust, my mental stability, my physical health and was cut off from many of my friends and family.
I felt very alone. I felt sorry for myself and there was no one to wipe my tears or to listen to my pain because I belonged to a society that was wired around status and judgemental attitude.
On numerous occasions, the 'heartless' would question why did your husband have an affair? An innocent question? Nope! I knew perfectly well what they were inferring.
Was I not enough for him? Why would he be unfaithful? Maybe I was not satisfying him as that would surely justify his infidelity.
One of my 'advisors' said I should attempt to satisfy his needs so he "may consider being faithful". I was repeatedly advised to agree to my husbands affair and share him with her - as long as he paid my bills and brought food to my plate. Thinking back, that advice sounds like a form of prostitution to me!
Oh, and by the way, all of the questions about my performance as a loving, loyal and dedicated wife, came from women in my life that were way to close for comfort.
As a mother of four beautiful children, I knew my journey will never be just mine alone. For me at this time, this wasn't about my ex-husband or his greedy needs, but all about my children. At that moment of greatest shock and pain, I had to take charge and be a strong women. I had to stand up against all the odds to win and to focus on success in order to have any chance of building a stable future for my children and I.
As single parents, we are always bombarded with questions about whether we know what we are doing, or how we are doing it, and much more. We always strive to do the best we can.
A single parent status is no judge of good parenting. I have seen perfect married couples raising the most wild and rude kids. Which leads me to think that no one really knows how to win the parenting game because you can have three amazing kids and one wild one, or one perfect child and two wild ones! The one sure thing is, in order to play this game, you have to be strong and consistent to have any chance of winning.
Everyone is different, every child is different and every parent to each child will be different. There is no one size that fits all in this spicey cocktail.
Coming back to my situation. Should I have accepted raising my children in an unhappy and disruptive home? Should I have wanted to have all the comforts but with zero values and stability? And would I have been a good mother raising my children with a heavy broken heart? The answer is a very simple - No!
I chose to reject pleasing 'society' knowing I will be penniless, family-less and lose the status I had. I had to accept rejection from family gatherings and guest lists and not have stability for a while.
None of what was thrown at me, killed me! I was emotionally shocked at judgmental attitudes and those trying to figure out where they should stand and where they would benefit from the situation the most! And believe me - I lost a huge amount. On the flipside - I learnt a great deal of wisdom and probably earned a scholarship in the Game of 'survival' Thrones.
My decision to break free from all the emotional guilt and ties, brought me - eventually - to my success as I underwent transformation. if I hadn't faced my fears and not valued my strength in being alive and being able to work, to talk, to see beyond the subconscious fears by listening to my conscious mind, I would still be mourning the tragedy of a life half lived.
So if you are one of those people struggling alone, or surviving a marriage and telling yourself to stay in your marriage for children, family or society, then trust me you are missing out discovering your life's true purpose - one where you can discover someone within yourself that you could only have ever dreamed of becoming.
Think about it, you only get one shot at this life so if you are miserably unhappy or you are feeling hopeless or helpless, gather the strength and courage to free yourself from these shackles and live a life where you put your own well-being first.
Today, I have discovered a successful women who stands tall and strong. I have broken through many glass ceilings and worked way out of my comfort zone. I have taken calculated risks and I am a happy and very proud mother as my babies have transitioned from child to adult. I have seen them flourish as they travel on their own, very unique and personal, journeys. A journey where they have worked hard, been brilliant at their studies, they have gained respect and popularity among their friends and colleagues, and they have turned out to be such good civilians.
Today, I am a very happy and content women who has created a circle of love and positivity surrounding me by making the right choice and taking ownership of my life.
Thank you for reading my blog!
If you are struggling to make the big decisions in your life or need guidance, I offer 1-2-1 wellbeing consultancy sessions. Follow WELLBEING CONSULTANCY for more details.