The Presence of a Father.

The Presence of a Father Then and Now

There’s something sacred about the presence of a father not just in the physical sense, not just the man who comes home after work or pays the bills, but the father who listens, holds space, laughs with you, and teaches you how to feel safe in a world that can often feel anything but.

When I think back to my childhood, my father was there, but not with me.

His shoes were always by the door. His keys clicked the same way every evening, but his words? His warmth? His wonder? Those were missing.

I didn’t know the weight of that absence until I became a parent myself. I saw the places in me that had learned to cope without comfort, without guidance. I saw how I sought safety in situations that didn’t offer it because that was familiar. I saw how I carried invisible wounds into adult relationships simply because my emotional map was never drawn and I also saw something else.A chance to rewrite the story.

When my marriage ended, I made a quiet, firm promise, our children will not grow up with absence. Even though we were no longer together, I made sure their father was not cut off. He was encouraged to be present, to show up emotionally and mentally because I knew how much that matters. Not just for happy family pictures, but for biology, for brain chemistry, for the shaping of young hearts.

Did you know that just having a supportive father figure in a child’s life can help reduce cortisol levels the very hormone that causes stress and anxiety? Or that children with engaged fathers are more likely to succeed academically and emotionally? Yet, over 1 million children in the UK are growing up today without a father in their lives.

This isn’t a post about blame. It’s a love letter to fatherhood to its evolution, its power, and its place in today’s world.

In ancient cultures, the father was the pillar not only the provider, but the protector, the storyteller, the spiritual guide. His presence was a grounding force and then, somewhere along the line, the image of the father became distant, the worker, the disciplinarian, the one who “brings home the bread” but doesn’t knead the dough of emotions.

Today, in a world that is (rightfully) fighting for women’s equality, let’s not forget to redefine and revalue fatherhood too. True equality isn’t about sameness, it’s about honouring the unique energies both parents bring.

Fathers matter.

Not just on birthdays or when they teach their kids how to ride a bike but when they wipe tears, read bedtime stories, apologise, hug tightly, and sit through the silence.

To all the fathers breaking generational patterns…

To all the mothers supporting fatherhood, even through separation…

To all the children who will one day feel safe because dad was there, not just in the house, but in the heart…

This is for you.

Let’s keep building a world where presence, not just provision, is the true legacy of a father.